The Cavalreaper and the Captain
Probably the most infamous of Alternia's rebels, the Summoner rocked the foundations of the Empire. Noteworthy in bringing the ire of the Condesce herself and resulting in the exile of all adults from the home world to prevent it from ever happening again, the Summoner's Rising also spanned hemocastes. Nearly as famous as the Summoner, his cerulean-blooded pirate matesprit the Marquise Spinneret Mindfang was deeply enmeshed in the rebellion until she met her death by his hand. The Summoner kept a diary, although he was not as prolific or as grandoise a journaller as the Marquise.
View The Marquise's journal here...
View The Marquise's journal here...
th1ngs are go1ng well. we're st1ll outnumbered, but we're def1n1tely ga1n1ng ground. there aren't as many 1nter-caste f1ghts as we'd been deal1ng w1th before, though the tens1on 1s def1n1tely st1ll there between, say, rust and ol1ve. 1 w1sh there were more sold1ers from the colder end of the spectrum, but g1ven the way everyone warm reacts when they come 1nto the camp, 1 don't blame them for tak1ng off. 1t would be better 1f people would L1STEN when 1 say that equal1ty for all trolls means, yeah, EQUAL1TY FOR ALL TROLLS.
1 don't know how many cool-blooded sympath1zers we have that would help out 1n a p1nch, but 1 th1nk aranea's the coldest one left 1n the camp... 1 know 1t's not easy for her, but 1'm glad she stayed. even 1f 1d1ots g1ve her sh1t for be1ng here, l1ke 1t's a good 1dea to push ANYONE away when we need all the help we can get, she's the most useful adv1sor 1've got. there arent really too many other trolls who've been around for as long as she has, and she has sweeps of exper1ence w1th f1ght1ng aga1nst better-equ1pped opponents, 1nclud1ng the condesce's forces 1n part1cular. 1t's so frustrat1ng that even my generals who are w1ll1ng to adm1t we'd have d1ed w1th1n a per1gee w1thout her st1ll want her gone even now. 1 guess t1me 1s the only real answer for that. even 1f 1 know she's loyal, 1t's good that my off1cers aren't just bl1ndly trust1ng her because she's my quadrantmate... but ser1ously, 1t's t1me to g1ve 1t up now. she's done more than enough for us, and she's proved herself so many t1mes over (1'll tell her e1ght t1mes. that'll make her laugh).
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okay, 1t would help a l1ttle try1ng to get my generals to make n1ce w1th her 1f she would act l1ke she cared at all. she's been a b1t restless lately, but 1'm not sure why. 1 don't th1nk she's very used to stay1ng 1n one place for long, but 1'm not sure what to do s1nce she was a wanted cr1m1nal even before she threw her lot 1n w1th us. well, at TH1S po1nt 1 know better than to push before she's ready to talk about someth1ng. 1'll just let her know 1 can tell someth1ng's wrong and that she can talk to me, and then 1'll drop 1t unt1l she comes to me. and 1n the meant1me, 1'm go1ng to do someth1ng about the att1tude towards colder blood, at least 1n th1s camp. the longer we present a un1ted front, the more of the army defects, and 1t's not only the warm end of the spectrum agree1ng w1th what 1'm try1ng to say. we CANNOT afford to keep driving away everyone above green who comes by want1ng to help. 1 got a report from one of the other camps that a cult1st tr1ed to jo1n up, but they wandered away aga1n before anyone could make a dec1s1on. 1'm not sure how that would have gone. 1t's hard to believe one of them would actually come around to our po1nt of view, but 1f they d1d, that would be a major breakthrough. and maybe they could have g1ven us an 1n to the other purples. and they would have been a powerhouse on the battlef1eld. of course, 1t's ent1rely poss1ble that they wanted to break us down from the 1ns1de, or that they wanted to jo1n us as a joke... 1'm not sure that anyone 1n the church actually knows what 'funny' 1s.
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she st1ll 1sn't talk1ng to me, and 1t's start1ng to worry me a b1t. 1 don't have the t1me to look too closely 1nto 1t, but 1'm sure 1f 1t was someth1ng b1g she would let me know. the condesce's forces are mak1ng a major effort to cut off our supply l1nes, but 1 don't th1nk they have as much accurate 1ntell1gence as they th1nk they do. 1t would be great 1f aranea could go support 1n the f1eld, but there's always the r1sk that someone w1ll dec1de 1t's t1me to take a shot at the f1lthy coldblood... she's d1stracted by someth1ng, but 1'm go1ng to see 1f 1 can engage her 1n these strategy sess1ons a l1ttle more. 1f 1 can get her 1nterested, 1 th1nk e1ther what's bugg1ng her w1ll be less of a problem, or she'll actually tell me what's go1ng on. t1mes l1ke th1s, 1 can def1n1tely see the appeal of read1ng people's m1nds, though since she doesn't do that w1th me, 1t wouldn't be fa1r to do that to her, haha... hopefully we'll have some breath1ng room soon and 1 can s1t down w1th her and really sort out what's wrong.
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she's h1d1ng someth1ng from me. 1 don't know what 1t 1s, but that's a few t1mes now where 1've walked 1n on her recaptchalogu1ng someth1ng b1g 1n a hurry. she tr1ed to brush 1t off as noth1ng, but 1t's much more normal to have trouble gett1ng her to be actually shut up about all her 'gr8 plans.' 1 ment1oned once or tw1ce that 1t's been a wh1le s1nce she told me about what she was up to and that 1 m1ssed hav1ng more t1me alone together, but she was so d1stracted 1 don't even know 1f she heard me. 1t would make me a lot happ1er 1f she just told me what she was look1ng at, even 1f she doesn't tell me why she's try1ng to h1de 1t... she knows 1 trust her more than just about anyone and 1'm mature enough to let her have secrets, but 1t just makes me nervous how unlike her th1s 1s. 1'm st1ll hop1ng that w1th space and a l1ttle t1me, she m1ght tell me on her own.
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w1th all the t1me command 1s tak1ng these n1ghts and how d1stracted aranea's been, the two of us haven't had much t1me together 1n a wh1le. 1 d1d make sure we had a one-on-one d1nner the other n1ght, and she d1d seem happy to be see1ng me, but she's so jumpy that 1 have to bel1eve that someth1ng 1s wrong... 1t's not l1ke we spend much t1me together lately outs1de of h1tt1ng the recuperacoon and wak1ng up, and 1t's so frustrat1ng how busy the rest of everyth1ng 1s. even 1f 1 can't make much more free t1me than an hour here or there, 1'm go1ng to make sure she knows she can talk to me about anyth1ng. whatever's wrong, 1 want to help. 1t can't be worth destroy1ng everyth1ng the two of us have together. 1f we can take another major c1ty soon, the t1me 1t'll take to deal w1th all the adm1n1strat1ve nonsense should g1ve us the t1me to talk and recover. maybe 1've been ask1ng too much of her, and try1ng to force her to engage when she's already stressed out. 1'll stop putt1ng pressure on her r1ght away.
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1've sh1fted her command dut1es away, and 1 d1d ask her f1rst, but 1'm not sure 1t helped w1th whatever's wrong. she's just as jumpy as when we were both worr1ed that someone 1n the camp would dec1de to just off the f1lthy coldblood. but even then, she always seemed certa1n that she'd be able to control anyone who tr1ed to attack her before they could f1n1sh the job. she's st1ll pretend1ng 1 don't know she's h1d1ng someth1ng. 1'm actually gett1ng used to a b1g p1le of... SOMETH1NG d1sappear1ng every t1me 1 walk 1nto our tent. 1 th1nk 1t's books, but 1 can't tell any better than that. even when 1 just asked her, she wouldn't g1ve me a stra1ght answer. she sa1d 1t was bor1ng and 1 shouldn't worry about 1t, noth1ng 1nterest1ng at all. sorry, but 1f one of us would refuse to put up w1th someth1ng bor1ng, 1t would def1n1tely be her. 1'm the 1d1ot who volunteered to lead a m1l1tary campa1gh. 1'm a lot more used to bor1ng than m1ss 1'm-a-free-sp1r1ted-gambl1gnant-you-can't-t1e-me-down. she has to know she 1sn't fool1ng me... r1ght? she's so jumpy that 1'm start1ng to worry even more. 1 startled her the other n1ght and she almost went for a kn1fe.
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1t's k1ll1ng me to wr1te th1s, but 1t 1s gett1ng harder and harder to trust her. because she won't trust ME. even though 1 flat-out sa1d that 1 know someth1ng 1s wrong and 1've tr1ed to keep my d1stance, but that do1ng that 1s gett1ng harder and harder the longer she doesn't tell me WHY 1 need to stay away. or even 1f 1 should. 1 have no 1dea why she's do1ng anyth1ng she does anymore. 1 st1ll can't bel1eve she almost attacked me. 1t felt k1nd of unreal when 1 wrote that last entry, but the more 1 th1nk about that, the more 1t hurts that she would do that and act l1ke noth1ng happened.
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1 can't bel1eve th1s. she was 1n my pan, and 1 don't even know 1f 1'd bel1eve her 1f she tr1ed to say she's never done 1t before. that 1s one of the only th1ngs 1 ever asked of her. 1s 1t bad that 1 can't help wonder1ng 1f the reason she agreed so eas1ly to the cond1t1on was because she never 1ntended to obey 1t? 1 couldn't spend the day w1th her after that. 1 couldn't. and 1t hurts so badly that whatever's wrong is ser1ous enough to break that prom1se... but she st1ll won't tell me anyth1ng about what's go1ng on.
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1 guess 1t's because 1 have to quest1on EVERYTH1NG after catch1ng her 1n my pan, but 1'm watch1ng her more closely, and 1 can't help th1nk1ng there are a lot of t1mes that she starts to go for her kn1ves and stops herself. for ME. why? what have 1 ever done to her? the only th1ng 1 can th1nk of that 1've poss1bly done 1s get angry at her for mess1ng w1th my pan, but th1s was go1ng on before then. 1 don't understand.
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my generals can tell that she's act1ng strangely too. a few of them have suggested (1n pr1vate) that perhaps she's see1ng the benef1ts of the emp1re and hemocaste system that's arleady 1n place. and. cons1der1ng how my sold1ers treat her, 1t seems... poss1ble. but she was the one who encouraged me to move forward with a rebell1on. 1t was always her urg1ng me forward. 1 wouldn't be here 1f she hadn't refused to let me g1ve up. why would she change her m1nd now?
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even 1n a meet1ng w1th my off1cers, she hasn't been keep1ng hold of herself. she knows 1t's 1mportant to act as 1n-control as poss1ble because they'll jump on any s1gn of weakness, but she seemed l1ke she was barely able to focus on what anyone was say1ng... 1 wanted to take her as1de, or ask 1f she was okay, or ANYTH1NG, but that would probably have been the worst poss1ble move when everyone was already worry1ng about what was wrong w1th her. every t1me her hands move, 1 can't help look1ng for wh1ch kn1fe she's go1ng for. even when 1t's someth1ng as 1nnocent as gett1ng a fork for d1nner. 1've been try1ng to tell her that she can talk to me, but how many t1mes can 1 say that before 1 have to just accept that she doesn't WANT to talk to me?
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1'm worr1ed that she m1ght actually k1ll me. 1 startled her, but that 1sn't any excuse for what would have been drawing a fuck1ng kn1fe and st1ck1ng 1t 1n my stomach 1f the kn1fe had been 1n 1ts sheath. 1f the kn1fe had been there, 1 th1nk 1 m1ght have d1ed. she tr1ed to laugh 1t off as a joke, noth1ng, haha see there was no kn1fe 1sn't 1t funny. 1 th1nk 1 need to be alone. but 1 can't lose focus now. there are thousands of trolls depend1ng on me to be a competent leader, and 1 can't let them d1e just because 1'm 1ncapable of deal1ng w1th th1s. 1 th1nk 1 want to cry.
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noth1ng 1s gett1ng better. 1t's only gett1ng worse. she 1sn't sleep1ng well and 1'm already not sleep1ng well, but now 1'm jerk1ng awake every t1me she moves, try1ng to defend myself. she says th1ngs w1ll be better soon. she won't tell me anyth1ng else. th1s 1s so wrong. why won't she TALK to me?
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1 don't know how many cool-blooded sympath1zers we have that would help out 1n a p1nch, but 1 th1nk aranea's the coldest one left 1n the camp... 1 know 1t's not easy for her, but 1'm glad she stayed. even 1f 1d1ots g1ve her sh1t for be1ng here, l1ke 1t's a good 1dea to push ANYONE away when we need all the help we can get, she's the most useful adv1sor 1've got. there arent really too many other trolls who've been around for as long as she has, and she has sweeps of exper1ence w1th f1ght1ng aga1nst better-equ1pped opponents, 1nclud1ng the condesce's forces 1n part1cular. 1t's so frustrat1ng that even my generals who are w1ll1ng to adm1t we'd have d1ed w1th1n a per1gee w1thout her st1ll want her gone even now. 1 guess t1me 1s the only real answer for that. even 1f 1 know she's loyal, 1t's good that my off1cers aren't just bl1ndly trust1ng her because she's my quadrantmate... but ser1ously, 1t's t1me to g1ve 1t up now. she's done more than enough for us, and she's proved herself so many t1mes over (1'll tell her e1ght t1mes. that'll make her laugh).
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okay, 1t would help a l1ttle try1ng to get my generals to make n1ce w1th her 1f she would act l1ke she cared at all. she's been a b1t restless lately, but 1'm not sure why. 1 don't th1nk she's very used to stay1ng 1n one place for long, but 1'm not sure what to do s1nce she was a wanted cr1m1nal even before she threw her lot 1n w1th us. well, at TH1S po1nt 1 know better than to push before she's ready to talk about someth1ng. 1'll just let her know 1 can tell someth1ng's wrong and that she can talk to me, and then 1'll drop 1t unt1l she comes to me. and 1n the meant1me, 1'm go1ng to do someth1ng about the att1tude towards colder blood, at least 1n th1s camp. the longer we present a un1ted front, the more of the army defects, and 1t's not only the warm end of the spectrum agree1ng w1th what 1'm try1ng to say. we CANNOT afford to keep driving away everyone above green who comes by want1ng to help. 1 got a report from one of the other camps that a cult1st tr1ed to jo1n up, but they wandered away aga1n before anyone could make a dec1s1on. 1'm not sure how that would have gone. 1t's hard to believe one of them would actually come around to our po1nt of view, but 1f they d1d, that would be a major breakthrough. and maybe they could have g1ven us an 1n to the other purples. and they would have been a powerhouse on the battlef1eld. of course, 1t's ent1rely poss1ble that they wanted to break us down from the 1ns1de, or that they wanted to jo1n us as a joke... 1'm not sure that anyone 1n the church actually knows what 'funny' 1s.
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she st1ll 1sn't talk1ng to me, and 1t's start1ng to worry me a b1t. 1 don't have the t1me to look too closely 1nto 1t, but 1'm sure 1f 1t was someth1ng b1g she would let me know. the condesce's forces are mak1ng a major effort to cut off our supply l1nes, but 1 don't th1nk they have as much accurate 1ntell1gence as they th1nk they do. 1t would be great 1f aranea could go support 1n the f1eld, but there's always the r1sk that someone w1ll dec1de 1t's t1me to take a shot at the f1lthy coldblood... she's d1stracted by someth1ng, but 1'm go1ng to see 1f 1 can engage her 1n these strategy sess1ons a l1ttle more. 1f 1 can get her 1nterested, 1 th1nk e1ther what's bugg1ng her w1ll be less of a problem, or she'll actually tell me what's go1ng on. t1mes l1ke th1s, 1 can def1n1tely see the appeal of read1ng people's m1nds, though since she doesn't do that w1th me, 1t wouldn't be fa1r to do that to her, haha... hopefully we'll have some breath1ng room soon and 1 can s1t down w1th her and really sort out what's wrong.
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she's h1d1ng someth1ng from me. 1 don't know what 1t 1s, but that's a few t1mes now where 1've walked 1n on her recaptchalogu1ng someth1ng b1g 1n a hurry. she tr1ed to brush 1t off as noth1ng, but 1t's much more normal to have trouble gett1ng her to be actually shut up about all her 'gr8 plans.' 1 ment1oned once or tw1ce that 1t's been a wh1le s1nce she told me about what she was up to and that 1 m1ssed hav1ng more t1me alone together, but she was so d1stracted 1 don't even know 1f she heard me. 1t would make me a lot happ1er 1f she just told me what she was look1ng at, even 1f she doesn't tell me why she's try1ng to h1de 1t... she knows 1 trust her more than just about anyone and 1'm mature enough to let her have secrets, but 1t just makes me nervous how unlike her th1s 1s. 1'm st1ll hop1ng that w1th space and a l1ttle t1me, she m1ght tell me on her own.
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w1th all the t1me command 1s tak1ng these n1ghts and how d1stracted aranea's been, the two of us haven't had much t1me together 1n a wh1le. 1 d1d make sure we had a one-on-one d1nner the other n1ght, and she d1d seem happy to be see1ng me, but she's so jumpy that 1 have to bel1eve that someth1ng 1s wrong... 1t's not l1ke we spend much t1me together lately outs1de of h1tt1ng the recuperacoon and wak1ng up, and 1t's so frustrat1ng how busy the rest of everyth1ng 1s. even 1f 1 can't make much more free t1me than an hour here or there, 1'm go1ng to make sure she knows she can talk to me about anyth1ng. whatever's wrong, 1 want to help. 1t can't be worth destroy1ng everyth1ng the two of us have together. 1f we can take another major c1ty soon, the t1me 1t'll take to deal w1th all the adm1n1strat1ve nonsense should g1ve us the t1me to talk and recover. maybe 1've been ask1ng too much of her, and try1ng to force her to engage when she's already stressed out. 1'll stop putt1ng pressure on her r1ght away.
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1've sh1fted her command dut1es away, and 1 d1d ask her f1rst, but 1'm not sure 1t helped w1th whatever's wrong. she's just as jumpy as when we were both worr1ed that someone 1n the camp would dec1de to just off the f1lthy coldblood. but even then, she always seemed certa1n that she'd be able to control anyone who tr1ed to attack her before they could f1n1sh the job. she's st1ll pretend1ng 1 don't know she's h1d1ng someth1ng. 1'm actually gett1ng used to a b1g p1le of... SOMETH1NG d1sappear1ng every t1me 1 walk 1nto our tent. 1 th1nk 1t's books, but 1 can't tell any better than that. even when 1 just asked her, she wouldn't g1ve me a stra1ght answer. she sa1d 1t was bor1ng and 1 shouldn't worry about 1t, noth1ng 1nterest1ng at all. sorry, but 1f one of us would refuse to put up w1th someth1ng bor1ng, 1t would def1n1tely be her. 1'm the 1d1ot who volunteered to lead a m1l1tary campa1gh. 1'm a lot more used to bor1ng than m1ss 1'm-a-free-sp1r1ted-gambl1gnant-you-can't-t1e-me-down. she has to know she 1sn't fool1ng me... r1ght? she's so jumpy that 1'm start1ng to worry even more. 1 startled her the other n1ght and she almost went for a kn1fe.
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1t's k1ll1ng me to wr1te th1s, but 1t 1s gett1ng harder and harder to trust her. because she won't trust ME. even though 1 flat-out sa1d that 1 know someth1ng 1s wrong and 1've tr1ed to keep my d1stance, but that do1ng that 1s gett1ng harder and harder the longer she doesn't tell me WHY 1 need to stay away. or even 1f 1 should. 1 have no 1dea why she's do1ng anyth1ng she does anymore. 1 st1ll can't bel1eve she almost attacked me. 1t felt k1nd of unreal when 1 wrote that last entry, but the more 1 th1nk about that, the more 1t hurts that she would do that and act l1ke noth1ng happened.
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1 can't bel1eve th1s. she was 1n my pan, and 1 don't even know 1f 1'd bel1eve her 1f she tr1ed to say she's never done 1t before. that 1s one of the only th1ngs 1 ever asked of her. 1s 1t bad that 1 can't help wonder1ng 1f the reason she agreed so eas1ly to the cond1t1on was because she never 1ntended to obey 1t? 1 couldn't spend the day w1th her after that. 1 couldn't. and 1t hurts so badly that whatever's wrong is ser1ous enough to break that prom1se... but she st1ll won't tell me anyth1ng about what's go1ng on.
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1 guess 1t's because 1 have to quest1on EVERYTH1NG after catch1ng her 1n my pan, but 1'm watch1ng her more closely, and 1 can't help th1nk1ng there are a lot of t1mes that she starts to go for her kn1ves and stops herself. for ME. why? what have 1 ever done to her? the only th1ng 1 can th1nk of that 1've poss1bly done 1s get angry at her for mess1ng w1th my pan, but th1s was go1ng on before then. 1 don't understand.
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my generals can tell that she's act1ng strangely too. a few of them have suggested (1n pr1vate) that perhaps she's see1ng the benef1ts of the emp1re and hemocaste system that's arleady 1n place. and. cons1der1ng how my sold1ers treat her, 1t seems... poss1ble. but she was the one who encouraged me to move forward with a rebell1on. 1t was always her urg1ng me forward. 1 wouldn't be here 1f she hadn't refused to let me g1ve up. why would she change her m1nd now?
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even 1n a meet1ng w1th my off1cers, she hasn't been keep1ng hold of herself. she knows 1t's 1mportant to act as 1n-control as poss1ble because they'll jump on any s1gn of weakness, but she seemed l1ke she was barely able to focus on what anyone was say1ng... 1 wanted to take her as1de, or ask 1f she was okay, or ANYTH1NG, but that would probably have been the worst poss1ble move when everyone was already worry1ng about what was wrong w1th her. every t1me her hands move, 1 can't help look1ng for wh1ch kn1fe she's go1ng for. even when 1t's someth1ng as 1nnocent as gett1ng a fork for d1nner. 1've been try1ng to tell her that she can talk to me, but how many t1mes can 1 say that before 1 have to just accept that she doesn't WANT to talk to me?
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1'm worr1ed that she m1ght actually k1ll me. 1 startled her, but that 1sn't any excuse for what would have been drawing a fuck1ng kn1fe and st1ck1ng 1t 1n my stomach 1f the kn1fe had been 1n 1ts sheath. 1f the kn1fe had been there, 1 th1nk 1 m1ght have d1ed. she tr1ed to laugh 1t off as a joke, noth1ng, haha see there was no kn1fe 1sn't 1t funny. 1 th1nk 1 need to be alone. but 1 can't lose focus now. there are thousands of trolls depend1ng on me to be a competent leader, and 1 can't let them d1e just because 1'm 1ncapable of deal1ng w1th th1s. 1 th1nk 1 want to cry.
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noth1ng 1s gett1ng better. 1t's only gett1ng worse. she 1sn't sleep1ng well and 1'm already not sleep1ng well, but now 1'm jerk1ng awake every t1me she moves, try1ng to defend myself. she says th1ngs w1ll be better soon. she won't tell me anyth1ng else. th1s 1s so wrong. why won't she TALK to me?
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she
i can't talk about this