The Captain and the Cavalreaper
The Marquise Spinneret Mindfang was one of the most notorious pirates to sail Alternia's seas. Her piratical exploits weren't her only claim to fame, however. The Marquise was also infamous for the role she played in the Summoner's Rising, the lowblood rebellion that resulted in Her Imperious Condescension exiling all adults from the home world. Her prolific journals and letter-writing give us an unprecedented glimpse into this uniquely turbulent period of Alternian history.
View the Summoner's journal here...
View the Summoner's journal here...
I don't remem8er. I should, I should remem8er, 8ecause this is only the most important event left in wh8t's left of my life! 8ut when I was looking ahead and saw wh8n I would die, why would I ever h8ve forgotten that? I know wh8t it was. I do! And I've kn8wn for sweeps! 8ut hundreds of sweeps aft8r seeing it, I c8n't remem8er exactly when.
--
I d8n't kn8w how long it's 8een since I really did kn8w and how l8ng it's 8een since I only remem8ered kn8wing, 8ut it's soon. G8d, it might even 8e within the week. And he's going to do it, 8ut I don't kn8w why he's going to do it! He loves me. He does. And I l8ve him too. I m8d3 my peace with th8s hundreds of sweeps 8efore I even met him, for f8ck's sake! 8nd even if I was just a pupa then, I can't 8elieve I ever thought it w8uld 8e 8etter not kn8wing why he's going to kill me. Everything seems f8ne now, 8ut he's goin g to h8ve a reason. He wouldn't just d8 th8t to me out of n8where. Is he going t8 get word that I've 8etrayed him somehow? Th8t would 8reak his pusher. God, I just wish I knew when he's g8ing to do 8t.
--
Everyth8ng is f8ne still. I... looked. Just once, wh8n he was alm8st asleep. He t8ld me not to 8ges ago, 8ut this is a special c8se. He still l8ves me, just the s8me as he says. I shouldn't h8ve dou8ted him. 8ut that's almost worse 8ecause I still h8ve no idea when or why he's g8ing to k8ll me! I d8n't w8nt to die with him feeling guilty 8ver me. I've lived l8ng enough. I h8ve. And he's g8ing to do gr8 th8ngs and he'll remem8er me forever and 8'll be the memora8le tragic heroine when they write his 8iography. I've kn8wn this was coming since f8rever and 8t's f8ne
--
He's still acting n8rmal, 8ut I'm not d8ing a good jo8 of it. He asked me wh8t was wrong today, and 8f course I can't tell h8m. I think he 8elieved me when I s8id I was just tired. I alm8st want to look again just to m8ke sure-- 8ut I pr8mised I wouldn't. I emptied my ent8re sylladex looking f8r my 8ld diaries t8 see if I wr8te the d8 down s8mewhere. Like a fuck8ng idi8t, I didn't. Pro8a8ly. I'll keep looking, 8ecause not kn8wing is destr8ying me. I'm ready for this, I am, I just need to kn8wwhen it's g8ing to happen.
--
I just a8out jumped out 8f my goddamn skin wh8n he tapped me 8n the should8r today 8t 8reakfast. I alm8st went f8r my knife, and it's a good th8ng I didn't. If I hurt h8m, th8t would 8e the literal w8rst th8ng I could do. It's g8ing to 8e hard enough on him d8ing this to me, and I need t8 make sure I d8n't make th8s any more difficult th8n it's already g8ing to 8e. I still d8n't have a clue why he's g8ing to kill me, and I th8nk th8t's alm8st the w8rst part. Wh8t if he's 8eing fed misinform8tion a8out me? I already kn8w half these low8lood soldiers would l8ve to see me dead. If th8t's the case, I can't 8elieve he wouldn't ask me to my f8ce. I just need to m8ke sure I stay cl8se, 8ecause n8 matter h8w this goes d8wn, we don't have much time left.
--
I've had my diaries out again, and I'm g8ing thr8ugh them every t8me I get a sp8re minute. It's h8rd, 8ecause I talk plenty a8out wh8t I saw, and I c8n't tell him th8t he's g8ing to kill me and I've kn8wn this whole time. It would 8reak him. So I h8ve to hide them every time he comes 8y and I think he guesses someth8ng is going on, 8ut I don't think he has a clue wh8t. God, th8s would 8e so much easier if he w8uld just let me look in his pan. 8ut of course then he'd m8ke with the 8a8y 8ark8east eyes and ask why I didn't trust him 8nd then on t8p of everyth8ng else I'd feel like a8solute shit. If I knew why he's g8ing to d8 it, I c8uld just relax and enj8y the last of our time t8gether. Of course, kn8wing when would 8e even fucking 8etter.This tension is un8eara8le. I still c8n't imagine why he'd turn on me like that. He's too goddamn no8le for his own good, so he's going t8 have a reason, I just can't see wh8t it's going to 8e.
--
He caught me looking int8 his pan. I made a mist8ke, I f8cked up so 8ad, and now he's angry 8t me. I just w8nted to t8ke one little peek wh8n he was g8ing to sleep, 8nd it was just g8ing to 8e really 8asic, just in and out. 8ut then he w8sn't as asleep 8s I thought and he just s8t up in the recuper8coon and looked at me and t8ld me I needed t8 find s8mewhere else t8 sleep f8r the day, and I've never him use th8t tone 8f voice with me 8efore. I f8cked up, I f8cked up. He hasn't t8lked to me t8day 8nd when I c8me t8 the meet8ng with his gener8ls he acted l8ke 8 w8sn't even there. Th8s w8sn't h8w 8 w8nted t8 spend the l8st 8f our t8me t8gether.
--
He c8me to see me yesterd8y m8rning. It's... n8t the same, 8ut it's 8etter th8n it was. He still loves me, he does, 8ut I can still feel him 8eing all sad and angry without even h8ving to look. He 8sked me why I did it even th8ugh it was 8asically the only th8ng he's ever asked of me, 8ut fuck, I c8n't tell him th8t. I did say th8t I'm on edge and I've 8een h8ving nightm8res, which isn't even an exagger8tion. And th8s isn't s8mething for him to f8cking kill me 8ver, 8ut now I can't g8 asking him questions t8 figure it out 8ecause he's already mad at me. He kissed me 8efore we went to sleep. He's not happy th8t I w8n't tell him why I did it, 8ut we loveeach other.
--
G8d, not kn8wing when this is going to h8ppen is destr8ying me. I wake up every n8ght expect8ng it to 8e my last, 8nd then I g8 to 8ed and I'm still alive, and I c8n't sleep 8nd 8asically every t8me I close my eyes, it's just t8 h8ve awful dreams 8nd w8ke up again. I flinched wh8n he touched me 8nd I wasn't expect8ng it. He looked like I'd slapped him, fuck. It's n8t his fault, and he sh8uldn't 8e h8ving to pay for it. He asked if I'd d8ne it 8ecause I was upset w8th him, and no n8 n8, th8t's not it at all and I wish I could explain it t8 him. He d8esn't deserve this. 8ut everything would 8e so much easier if I just knew. I c8n't t8ke much more of this, which hahaha, is funny 8ecause I'm n8t going t8. I'm a8out to die, I just d8n't kn8w when.
--
I'm sleeping s8 8adly I'm 8arely functi8ning. And I'm ready, I've 8een 8racing myself for this f8r hundreds of sweeps, 8ut it's different when it's right there and every t8me s8mething happens you're w8ndering if this is finally it. It's so hard not to flinch, and I've m8de a p8int of t8king off all my knives whenever I'm in the camp. I already fucked up 8adly enough, I d8n't need to d8 something even w8rse. I can't keep my 8ack to him. I spend all my time w8ing for a knife 8etween the shoulder8lades. It's awful, and he n8tices, he's n8t an idiot. I just need to m8ke it t8 the end w8thout pois8ning everything we already had. I'm a8out to die, which is f8ne, s8 I need to make sure I d8n't fuck up n8w. I alm8st went for a knife when he st8rtled me earlier. This needs to end soon, 8ut I can't 8e ready f8r it when I don't know when it's g8ing to happen. I can't take much m8re of this. He's unhappy. I wish I c8uld talk t8 him, 8ut. I can't tell him th8t he's g8ing t8 k8ll me, I c8n't. I just h8ve t8 last a l8ttle l8nger 8nd everyth8ng w8ll 8e 8ver. Everyth8ng 8s g8ing t8 8e fine.
--
I d8n't kn8w how long it's 8een since I really did kn8w and how l8ng it's 8een since I only remem8ered kn8wing, 8ut it's soon. G8d, it might even 8e within the week. And he's going to do it, 8ut I don't kn8w why he's going to do it! He loves me. He does. And I l8ve him too. I m8d3 my peace with th8s hundreds of sweeps 8efore I even met him, for f8ck's sake! 8nd even if I was just a pupa then, I can't 8elieve I ever thought it w8uld 8e 8etter not kn8wing why he's going to kill me. Everything seems f8ne now, 8ut he's goin g to h8ve a reason. He wouldn't just d8 th8t to me out of n8where. Is he going t8 get word that I've 8etrayed him somehow? Th8t would 8reak his pusher. God, I just wish I knew when he's g8ing to do 8t.
--
Everyth8ng is f8ne still. I... looked. Just once, wh8n he was alm8st asleep. He t8ld me not to 8ges ago, 8ut this is a special c8se. He still l8ves me, just the s8me as he says. I shouldn't h8ve dou8ted him. 8ut that's almost worse 8ecause I still h8ve no idea when or why he's g8ing to k8ll me! I d8n't w8nt to die with him feeling guilty 8ver me. I've lived l8ng enough. I h8ve. And he's g8ing to do gr8 th8ngs and he'll remem8er me forever and 8'll be the memora8le tragic heroine when they write his 8iography. I've kn8wn this was coming since f8rever and 8t's f8ne
--
He's still acting n8rmal, 8ut I'm not d8ing a good jo8 of it. He asked me wh8t was wrong today, and 8f course I can't tell h8m. I think he 8elieved me when I s8id I was just tired. I alm8st want to look again just to m8ke sure-- 8ut I pr8mised I wouldn't. I emptied my ent8re sylladex looking f8r my 8ld diaries t8 see if I wr8te the d8 down s8mewhere. Like a fuck8ng idi8t, I didn't. Pro8a8ly. I'll keep looking, 8ecause not kn8wing is destr8ying me. I'm ready for this, I am, I just need to kn8wwhen it's g8ing to happen.
--
I just a8out jumped out 8f my goddamn skin wh8n he tapped me 8n the should8r today 8t 8reakfast. I alm8st went f8r my knife, and it's a good th8ng I didn't. If I hurt h8m, th8t would 8e the literal w8rst th8ng I could do. It's g8ing to 8e hard enough on him d8ing this to me, and I need t8 make sure I d8n't make th8s any more difficult th8n it's already g8ing to 8e. I still d8n't have a clue why he's g8ing to kill me, and I th8nk th8t's alm8st the w8rst part. Wh8t if he's 8eing fed misinform8tion a8out me? I already kn8w half these low8lood soldiers would l8ve to see me dead. If th8t's the case, I can't 8elieve he wouldn't ask me to my f8ce. I just need to m8ke sure I stay cl8se, 8ecause n8 matter h8w this goes d8wn, we don't have much time left.
--
I've had my diaries out again, and I'm g8ing thr8ugh them every t8me I get a sp8re minute. It's h8rd, 8ecause I talk plenty a8out wh8t I saw, and I c8n't tell him th8t he's g8ing to kill me and I've kn8wn this whole time. It would 8reak him. So I h8ve to hide them every time he comes 8y and I think he guesses someth8ng is going on, 8ut I don't think he has a clue wh8t. God, th8s would 8e so much easier if he w8uld just let me look in his pan. 8ut of course then he'd m8ke with the 8a8y 8ark8east eyes and ask why I didn't trust him 8nd then on t8p of everyth8ng else I'd feel like a8solute shit. If I knew why he's g8ing to d8 it, I c8uld just relax and enj8y the last of our time t8gether. Of course, kn8wing when would 8e even fucking 8etter.This tension is un8eara8le. I still c8n't imagine why he'd turn on me like that. He's too goddamn no8le for his own good, so he's going t8 have a reason, I just can't see wh8t it's going to 8e.
--
He caught me looking int8 his pan. I made a mist8ke, I f8cked up so 8ad, and now he's angry 8t me. I just w8nted to t8ke one little peek wh8n he was g8ing to sleep, 8nd it was just g8ing to 8e really 8asic, just in and out. 8ut then he w8sn't as asleep 8s I thought and he just s8t up in the recuper8coon and looked at me and t8ld me I needed t8 find s8mewhere else t8 sleep f8r the day, and I've never him use th8t tone 8f voice with me 8efore. I f8cked up, I f8cked up. He hasn't t8lked to me t8day 8nd when I c8me t8 the meet8ng with his gener8ls he acted l8ke 8 w8sn't even there. Th8s w8sn't h8w 8 w8nted t8 spend the l8st 8f our t8me t8gether.
--
He c8me to see me yesterd8y m8rning. It's... n8t the same, 8ut it's 8etter th8n it was. He still loves me, he does, 8ut I can still feel him 8eing all sad and angry without even h8ving to look. He 8sked me why I did it even th8ugh it was 8asically the only th8ng he's ever asked of me, 8ut fuck, I c8n't tell him th8t. I did say th8t I'm on edge and I've 8een h8ving nightm8res, which isn't even an exagger8tion. And th8s isn't s8mething for him to f8cking kill me 8ver, 8ut now I can't g8 asking him questions t8 figure it out 8ecause he's already mad at me. He kissed me 8efore we went to sleep. He's not happy th8t I w8n't tell him why I did it, 8ut we loveeach other.
--
G8d, not kn8wing when this is going to h8ppen is destr8ying me. I wake up every n8ght expect8ng it to 8e my last, 8nd then I g8 to 8ed and I'm still alive, and I c8n't sleep 8nd 8asically every t8me I close my eyes, it's just t8 h8ve awful dreams 8nd w8ke up again. I flinched wh8n he touched me 8nd I wasn't expect8ng it. He looked like I'd slapped him, fuck. It's n8t his fault, and he sh8uldn't 8e h8ving to pay for it. He asked if I'd d8ne it 8ecause I was upset w8th him, and no n8 n8, th8t's not it at all and I wish I could explain it t8 him. He d8esn't deserve this. 8ut everything would 8e so much easier if I just knew. I c8n't t8ke much more of this, which hahaha, is funny 8ecause I'm n8t going t8. I'm a8out to die, I just d8n't kn8w when.
--
I'm sleeping s8 8adly I'm 8arely functi8ning. And I'm ready, I've 8een 8racing myself for this f8r hundreds of sweeps, 8ut it's different when it's right there and every t8me s8mething happens you're w8ndering if this is finally it. It's so hard not to flinch, and I've m8de a p8int of t8king off all my knives whenever I'm in the camp. I already fucked up 8adly enough, I d8n't need to d8 something even w8rse. I can't keep my 8ack to him. I spend all my time w8ing for a knife 8etween the shoulder8lades. It's awful, and he n8tices, he's n8t an idiot. I just need to m8ke it t8 the end w8thout pois8ning everything we already had. I'm a8out to die, which is f8ne, s8 I need to make sure I d8n't fuck up n8w. I alm8st went for a knife when he st8rtled me earlier. This needs to end soon, 8ut I can't 8e ready f8r it when I don't know when it's g8ing to happen. I can't take much m8re of this. He's unhappy. I wish I c8uld talk t8 him, 8ut. I can't tell him th8t he's g8ing t8 k8ll me, I c8n't. I just h8ve t8 last a l8ttle l8nger 8nd everyth8ng w8ll 8e 8ver. Everyth8ng 8s g8ing t8 8e fine.